Why I Put My Hope in You
A moment of sorrow
The night stopped breathing and every creature followed, except for me. I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting. Why did I make a promise when I knew I couldn’t keep it? The pain in my chest slithered deeper, invading every corner, poisoning my veins yet forbidding them to bleed. I gasped for air and thought I would die right there. I tried to be good, to be without fault. I had been trying so hard. Help me.
The silence was deafening and it grew louder. Blackness dominated the hours, blending in with my shadows but still I couldn’t hide. Don’t look at me because I have my own time, my own world. The staircase summoned. Ah, my footsteps! Don’t let them hear my tread. My flesh was quivering as I ran down the steps. One tremor for each shame. A chill for every wrongdoing. Forgive me.
I stepped inside a familiar room and the candlestick I was holding flickered to replay what I had done. If I admit my guilt to the world, will the torment end? Tears took over my eyes. I couldn’t bear the pounding on my head any longer. I kneeled and melted beneath a fiery light. Words I had not planned poured out of my mouth like a spring from the ground.
I said, “I will be careful about what I do and will not let my tongue make me sin; I will not say anything while evil people are near.”
I kept quiet, not saying a word, not even about anything good! But my suffering only grew worse, and I was overcome with anxiety. The more I thought, the more troubled I became; I could not keep from asking:
“Lord, how long will I live? When will I die? Tell me how soon my life will end.” How short you have made my life! In your sight my lifetime seems nothing. Indeed every living being is no more than a puff of wind, no more than a shadow. All we do is for nothing; we gather wealth, but don’t know who will get it. What, then, can I hope for, Lord? I put my hope in you. Save me from all my sins, and don’t let fools make fun of me.” — Psalm 39:1–8 GNT
